Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
