the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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