I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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