just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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