i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
