Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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