I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
