i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
