While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
