Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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