census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
