i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
