i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
