so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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