Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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