I wish you could order shots online.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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