apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
