She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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