are you still at the devil's house?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
