She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
