there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
