You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
