when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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