May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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