I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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