Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
