I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
