how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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