Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont even know how to be here
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
