My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize