I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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