Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
