I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dignity is for republicans.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
