It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
