Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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