Can i not drive my cunt home
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
