And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
