Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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