meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
