is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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