hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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