you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize