HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
