I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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