I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
