You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just sucked dick on a ferry
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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