i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
