When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
