so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
