who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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