dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
