Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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