walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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