This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
