if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
