I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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