He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
