i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
