I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
