When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
