i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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