She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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