maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
