Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
