You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize