shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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