That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I party with great urgency now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize