You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
