i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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