Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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