Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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