I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
