I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
